Living the Happily Ever After

In general the trip to visit the In-Laws went well, and was enjoyable, but one topic got me thinking.

The In-Laws were defending stereotypes. It came up win my MIL commented that my family would be upset that she microwaved water for tea, and I pointed out that this was a racist stereotype. But my FIL was really adamant that stereotypes helped make sure he interacted with people properly.

And we went back and forth, and I don't think we convinced them, and they certainly didn't convince us.

But it got me thinking. In therapy Friday we were talking about how tools can be useful in some situations but not in others. This was around my need to feel in control, but it occurred to me that this might be a similar case.

That for some people stereotypes can be useful (I'm not sure it does more than allow people to feel more confident in their understanding than anything else, but that could seem like a benefit), but if a tool harms so much more than it benefits it's time to find a different tool.

Like we used to drill tunnels with poorly controlled dynamite, it was a useful tool at one time, but we have better tools now, so insisting to use poorly controlled dynamite would seem foolish.

The other example that has been rolling around in my head is chemotherapy. This is a tool that causes a great deal of harm, but it can save lives so the benefit there can outweigh the harm.

As near as I can tell there is no amazing benefit that outweighs the harm of stereotypes, but I can see a not particularly culturally aware white guy thinking it is. I'm just disappointed.

I think it was harder to hear especially this weekend in the middle of the Derek Chauvin trial, right after the killing of Daunte Wright, and Adam Toledo, and the killing and beating of Asian women. I know they don't see the connection, but I can't think what I can do to help them see it.